Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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