i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
