No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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