I don't remember. Are we still dating?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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