I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
