It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
