Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
