you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
