my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
