I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Four minutes until I can fart!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
