Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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