woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
