Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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