On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
