last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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