how can u be prego again
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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