If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
