I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
