I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
