I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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