I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
