I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
