She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
