no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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