This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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