yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Randomize
