Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
