I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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