You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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