GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize