): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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