nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
