why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
