D3 body, D1 cock
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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