I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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