I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
