I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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