I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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