remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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