I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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