I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
