i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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