put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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