Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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