The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
