her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
