Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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