remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
