You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So much Jack, so little girl.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
