Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
