You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
