I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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