evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
