I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
