I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
