think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
