She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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