I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
