Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
