Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
