Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
