...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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