you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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