Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
