so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize