before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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