we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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