the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize